Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Suck it up Liz!

So that was my big plan. Get out of the class. Drop it or drop dead! Now some of you probably have nerves of steel, but I was a twenty year old spineless jellyfish at the time. My shaking, skinny legs led me right to the door of my advisor, Miss Pat. Now, I didn't run into her office with my tail between my legs, like you might think, because I was confident I could drop.

Me: Ms Pat, I'd like to drop, Short Story, blah, blah with Raymond Carver. I just really don't like writing short stories. Poetry or Fiction is something I'm more interested in learning.

Ms Pat: Liz, I'm sorry but its too late. At this point, you'll be given an incomplete.

Me: (Shit! Where have I been? A day late and a dollar short as usual) But I thought the drop date was September 30...

Ms Pat: Liz, today is October 30. So, is there anything I can do to help you? You know Mr. Carver is a very prestigious author, and we're very lucky to have him.

Me: Well, can you notify my next of kin if something happens to me? (Ms Pat laughs)
Seriously, Ms Pat, I guess I just don't understand what he's saying most of the time. He doesn't speak in complete sentences, so I get the assignment wrong a lot. And then he just gives you this real intimidating look, like you're his last meal. I mean, I crank out just enough he hasn't killed me yet. But it's coming Ms Pat. I can feel it.

Ms Pat: Hmmm, Liz you could go ahead and take the Incomplete, but with your GPA at 0.20, I wouldn't do it. I'd stick it out and try harder. He really is a very nice man. And he's a wonderful author of short stories. Liz, I'm having a difficult time understanding why you two don't seem to be hitting it off. What's your grade right now?

Me: It's hovering around the continental divide, Ms Pat. We're supposed to do a short story for our midterm and final. Midterm is Monday and I haven't started it yet.

Ms Pat: I'd say you need to get started then Liz. Do your best. Even a D is better than an incomplete in your case.

Me: Ok, Ms Pat. But,just in case I don't make, in lieu of flowers would you please kick his ass. Thanks.