New chat started
*1 Minute passes*
Lil’Con: Is anyone logging on?
*1 Minute passes*
Lil’Con: Am I all alone?
. . .
Lil’Con: It’s 4:03 and we’re supposed to start at 4:00.
*2 Minutes pass*
Lil’Con: You guys where are you? Did you all die?
. . .
Lil’Con: Did the universe do something to you?
*1 minute passes*
Lil’Con: I don’t like being alone. Sometimes I think things I shouldn’t when I’m alone.
Lil’Con: Aristotle! Hey! I was talking about. . .nothing where have you been?
CorpusOrgan1: School bus was late. Apparently, our regular driver was “sick,” so they had to get a substitute.
Lil’Con: Why do you say it like that?
CorpusOrgan1: It’s well known that the only kind of illness he contracts is the same one my mother gets when she’s had one too many at the pub.
Lil’Con: Oh, my, was he fired?
CorpusOrgan1: No, it’s also well known that he is having relations with the principal, so she always covers for him.
Lil’Con: That’s dangerous, what if he drinks while driving next time?
CorpusOrgan1: We should be alright, he normally stays under the legal limit.
Lil’Con: Have you heard at all from Plato?
CorpusOrgan1: No, he’s sent me nothing.
Lil’Con: What’s keeping him? Why doesn’t he just make another account?
CorpusOrgan1: I believe he’s tried. I’ve been keeping record of new users for the past week, and I’ve seen PlatoTheGreat, WonderPlato, PlatoNumber1, PlatoOneRepublic, and others to that nature make an account, but they are almost immediately banned afterwords.
Lil’Con: How is Socrates doing this?
CorpusOrgan1: I honestly have no idea. I’ve notified administrators of Socrates’ behavior, but I’ve heard nothing back.
Lil’Con: I guess there’s not much we can do than.
CorpusOrgan1: No, I guess not.
. . .
Lil’Con: So...what should we talk about then?
CorpusOrgan1: We could discuss the morality of ObamaCare.
Lil’Con: I haven’t kept up with it. My parents haven’t been very affected by it.
CorpusOrgan1: It’s helped my mother. Her new medical insurance allows her to take the pills she needs without worrying about the cost of getting her stomach pumped when she takes too many.
Lil’Con: When she takes too many? I apologize if this comes off poorly but how is your mother still alive?
CorpusOrgan1: She has one of those Medical alert wrist things you activate when you’re in trouble and can’t get to a phone. The people at the hospital don’t even confirm it anymore they just send over the ambulance.
Lil’Con: I think your mother is in great need of reevaluating her needs for self-satisfaction, or at least a good rehab.
Lil’Con: Plato! How did you get your account back?
CorpusOrgan1: Confucius, don’t get excited. I doubt this is Plato.
TheGreatPlato: It is I, Aristotle. I was given the most recent password for this account-Platolovesdembigbootyhoes. Which is not true, by the way.
CorpusOrgan1: Who gave it to you?
TheGreatPlato: My mother. She called his mother who forced him to give it up.
Lil’Con: Wow, so is he not going to bother us anymore?
TheGreatPlato: I have no idea, but I am dubious. He tends not to give up, as you have seen.
Lil’Con: Well, at least for now we can continue with our discussions. What should be the topic for today?
CorpusOrgan1: How about the morality of deceivers?
Lil’Con: We talked about that a few months ago, remember?
CorpusOrgan1: We did, but I believe we need a refresher course.
TheGreatPlato: Or, how about we discuss Aristotle and his current need to make unsubtle digs at me instead of speaking plainly of his feelings?
CorpusOrgan1: That’s fine with me. Socrates, you are a lying, immature, egomaniacal asshat and should take that Plato-sized bug up your butt and shove it up your nose, into the primary motor cortex of your brain, and let it eat all the neurons that control your hands so that the only way they will be useful is if you surgically amputate them and donate them to someone who will use the power of these hands to do non-destructive, half-way morally decent things!
Lil’Con: My goodness, Aristotle!
TheGreatPlato: As brutal, crass, and incorrect as Aristotle’s little tantrum was, I think there is some truth there. Socrates has some issues he needs to work on.
CorpusOrgan1: You would know, Socrates!
Lil’Con: Would you come off that? It is very apparent that this is not Socrates. He would have flown off the handle by now, if he were.
CorpusOrgan1: He’s keeping himself in line on purpose, he is trying to troll us!
TheGreatPlato: Trolling is such an uncouth word. Are we sure you are not Socrates, Aristotle?
CorpusOrgan1: How can I be Socrates when you are Socrates?
Lil’Con: Maybe we are all Socrates.
CorpusOrgan1: Don’t get in to that “we are the world” bull, Confucius.
Lil’Con: I just mean, maybe we all have the ability to be a Socrates at one time or another.
TheGreatPlato: Or is it possible, Aristotle, that you’ve been taking secret swigs from the bottles in your mother’s vast alcoholic beverage collection?
. . .
CorpusOrgan1: I’m going to say this once, and only once you son of a bitch. Do not. Speak ill. Of my mother.
TheGreatPlato: I didn’t say anything about her, I was only mentioning her admirably large interest in alcohol. I think its wonderful that she has something she obviously cares so much about.
CorpusOrgan1: Do you see this, Confucius?! He is riling me up on purpose! That is a very Socrates thing to do!
. . .
Lil’Con: Oh, dear.
TheGreatPlato: What are you doing here?!
SocRocks9: YOUR MOM
CorpusOrgan1: Plato? Is that you?
SocRocks9: NO IT IS THE GREAT(LY AWFUL) AND POWERFUL(LY STUPID) SOCRATES
TheGreatPlato: You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that, Socrates! You have no idea the damage it will do!
SocRocks9: I DONT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT DAMAGE IM INVINCIBLE IM THE DIRTIEST, SLIMIEST, LOWEST LIFE-FORM IN EXISTENCE AND I WILL NEVER EVER GO AWAY NO MATTER HOW BADLY EVERYONE WANTS ME TOO
TheGreatPlato: WELL YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN I AM I AM THE MOST SELF-ABSORBED ARROGANT LYING CHEATER THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
CorpusOrgan1: What is happening?
Lil’Con: Plato and Socrates are showing a gross amount of hatred for themselves. Boys, you are none of the things you are saying! You each have your. . .good. . .qualities.
TheGreatPlato: Thank you, Confucius.
Lil’Con: I mean, you are, at least, somewhat better than what you’re saying. . .I mean, you’ve done some pretty awful things Socrates, like insulting us, threatening us, hacking into our accounts, trying to get us in trouble with our moms. . .You know what, I take it back Socrates, you’re a piece of [censored].
SocRocks9: YOURE RIGHT CONFUCIUS I REALLY NEED TO GET MYSELF SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP. PERHAPS I SHOULD TALK TO MY MOTHER ABOUT VOLUNTARY COMMITMENT. I THINK SHE’LL GO ALONG WITH IT ONCE I SHOW HER MY BROWSER HISTORY.
TheGreatPlato: YOU STAY THE [censored] OUT OF MY BROWSER HISTORY PLATO YOU BUTTCRACK
SocRocks9: And pop goes the incredibly moronic weasel.
CorpusOrgan1: I knew it!
Lil’Con: So wait, Socrates is now TheGreatPlato, and Plato is now SocRocks9?
SocRocks9: Not for long. Socrates is about to give me my screenname back, and quit blocking any new ones I make.
TheGreatPlato: I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU THIS NAME BACK AND I WILL NEVER STOP BLOCKING YOU FROM THIS SITE
SocRocks9: Yes, you will. You see, I’m currently in the backroom of a computer store, where someone who is very good at computers has helped me to hack into not only your account, but your IP address. And before you go deleting your browser history, you should know that I have already made copies of it and will be mailing it to your mother.
TheGreatPlato: ILL JUST GET IT BEFORE SHE DOES AND BURN IT.
SocRocks9: That will not work. You see, I’m having this specially mailed so that it will be required for her to sign for it.
. . .
SocRocks9: That’s right, turn to expletives. It’s what you’re best at. Now give me my screenname back!
TheGreatPlato: FINE. THE PASSWORD IS PLATOCANEATMYNUTSACK
SocRocks9: I expected nothing less.
CorpusOrgan1: Take a mixture of Ibuprofen, Advil and Aspirin my mother says it works for her all the time.
TheGreatPlato: People are never and always who they should be, Confucius.
SocRocks9: I HATE YOU PLATO
SocRocks9: YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL PLATO
SocRocks9: YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL THE FLAMES OF HELL MELT YOUR FACE AND BURN YOUR FLESH
SocRocks9: YOUR BONES ARE GOING TO TWIST AND BEND UNTIL-
SocRocks9 has been banned from the chatroom.
CorpusOrgan1: And Socrates has just sent me another pleasant message.
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TheGreatPlato: That’s just wonderful.